the chronicling of a great friendship.

was going through some ol' pics and thought i'd share:

from our interpretation of the words "casual formal"

to votes and political conversations (congrats dave, i usually ignore people who talk politics)

to dancin' in the streets

or throwing flowers in them.

friends like these are a pair of rose-colored glasses.

a checklist

are you the right kind of man for my coworker?

- no chronic drug users

- no popped collars

- no backwards hats

- no button-down pinstripe shirts

- no saying "J-Mo," it's jameson

- needs a job

- preferably a car too

- cool, cocky, but somehow not an asshole

- taller than her (let's start at 6 feet)

- needs to be physically able to pick her up

in other news, my coworker and i have very different mindsets about this kind of thing...

sometimes

we lose our dignity.

at times

we have to go all the way back to where we lost it

and really think:

now where did i put it?

at other times

we get a clearly-written map placed right in our hands.

it was here.

and there.

here's how you pick it back up again.

and then there are times

where you wake up and you are blanketed with it.

you did nothing to reclaim it but rest;

and it's warm

and it's comforting

and it's everything it should be.

matchmaking:

all the excitement of a new crush/relationship with none of the responsibility/hurt.

am i right or am i right? i don't know why i haven't tapped into this hobby before...

to be or to do

this Christmas break was a whole lot of boring. i had written a rather ambitious list of things to get done with all the free time - like paint a table and fill out my FAFSA for cryin out loud. but i found myself tired in a very deep and thorough sense so because i could, i slacked on essentially every item on my to-do list. or rather, i revised it. here it is:

- wake up as late as possible

- read every jodi picoult book you can stomach (avoid all classic and/or philosophical/theological literature)

- watch sad, thought-provoking, and especially foreign movies (because chick-flicks are from hell)

- take every social and money-making opportunity (even working for a woman who should write the handbook for insanity)

- don't spend money

- try to stay warm

- creatively cook (no $$ = creativity!)

- be ok with being the most boring person you know

some people are very secure in their selves. they don't need to do anything in order to be someone. i'd like to think that most of them haven't been judged as harshly as i have been - perhaps there wasn't as much expected from them growing up. admittedly, for some it's just a personality thing. they're innately ok with who they are.

on the other hand, i am innately drawn to be the best version of myself that i can be, which is both a blessing and a curse. i am innately drawn to judging myself based on my latest performance.

man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

i can't really blame people or myself for judging me based off of my actions. that's all we've got as finite beings! if i want to ground myself in God's truth and not man's version of truth, then i'd better understand who God says that i am, rather than who man (whether others or me) says that i am.

God says a whole bunch about who i am, and i've got a lifetime of delving into that ahead of me.

but for this break, when i did not do much at all, i realized that i still am all the good and all the bad things that i was when i was busy, productive, helpful, social; i am the same spirited ruth when the calendar pats me on the back for a job well done and when it doesn't say anything at all. my actions do not dictate my self-worth, my dignity, even my personality. i am ok.

the Christmas gifts i received this year were very practical - all things i very much needed: a mop, a microwave, a toaster, becoming more ok with myself. merry Christmas me.

keep that cta pass.

i've been noticing that it seems like every single freakin' sunday as i ride home from church on the chicago bus, there's a fight. someone's yelling at someone for whatever (turn my ipod up) or the bus driver's especially pissy (turn the ipod down... i think cta bus drivers are the funniest people alive). it's always slightly more upsetting because church is usually a happy haven of goodness and then i get a 2x4 of the world's ugliness upside the head.

last sunday i was riding the bus home from church, earbuds in place, guitar between my knees, mind off in my own place... which is as it should be according to popular chicago transit etiquette. i hardly noticed the older hispanic man next to me until he talked to me -

"can i ask you question?"

i said sure as i removed the earbuds.

"is dat a cello?"

"this?" i pointed to my guitar. "no, this is my guitar."

"ooooh. my grandson, he play de cello. he's very good. but he don' wanna play de cello no more. now he play de bass. he's very good..."

he went on and on about how great his grandson is at the cello and the bass and how he won't be in any gangs because he's going to focus on music and how he wants to attend his grandson's concert at school but he can't 'cause he has two jobs so he let his wife take the ticket... i had the pleasure of only having to give a few positive responses and nods in order to keep him talking.

i have a weird obsession for an extravert, wherein i simply love when people chat my ear off. but i wasn't just enjoying his chattiness. knowing people is such an essential to loving them. when we let ourselves be known by others, it's an invitation for them to love us. here this man was, telling me with passion about his grandson, revealing his love and appreciation for the good things in his life.

the invitation to love him, just a little bit, was a gift, given for no other reason than the fact that i had my "cello" with me on the bus.

i'm thankful for it.

this made my day.

the other day i was sitting in moody's uber-cool coffee shop, hoe's, i mean joe's. (cue uproarious amounts of laughter.) this middle-aged man came up to the table i was sitting around and asked me and the other guys sitting around it if we knew when the LeCrae concert was. apparently moody radio is hosting some kind of show with him in it...

so i knew nothing about it, but one of the guys told him the concert is next month. when the older man asked where he could get information about it, the guy said something like, "i'm sure there's something about it online." the older man got that bewildered "i-don't-know-the-first-thing-about-the-interwebs" look on his face, and as he was trying to get more information from the guys, i started to google "lecrae concert chicago."

let me tell you, for as technologically un-savvy as i am, i have pretty sweet googling skills.

i asked the older man what his email was and told him i'd email a website with the info to him. he seemed very grateful.

he responded to my email with this:

"Thank you so much your a Jewel."

GAAAAAAH cutest thing ever.