- wake up as late as possible
- read every jodi picoult book you can stomach (avoid all classic and/or philosophical/theological literature)
- watch sad, thought-provoking, and especially foreign movies (because chick-flicks are from hell)
- take every social and money-making opportunity (even working for a woman who should write the handbook for insanity)
- don't spend money
- try to stay warm
- creatively cook (no $$ = creativity!)
- be ok with being the most boring person you know
some people are very secure in their selves. they don't need to do anything in order to be someone. i'd like to think that most of them haven't been judged as harshly as i have been - perhaps there wasn't as much expected from them growing up. admittedly, for some it's just a personality thing. they're innately ok with who they are.
on the other hand, i am innately drawn to be the best version of myself that i can be, which is both a blessing and a curse. i am innately drawn to judging myself based on my latest performance.
man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
i can't really blame people or myself for judging me based off of my actions. that's all we've got as finite beings! if i want to ground myself in God's truth and not man's version of truth, then i'd better understand who God says that i am, rather than who man (whether others or me) says that i am.
God says a whole bunch about who i am, and i've got a lifetime of delving into that ahead of me.
but for this break, when i did not do much at all, i realized that i still am all the good and all the bad things that i was when i was busy, productive, helpful, social; i am the same spirited ruth when the calendar pats me on the back for a job well done and when it doesn't say anything at all. my actions do not dictate my self-worth, my dignity, even my personality. i am ok.
the Christmas gifts i received this year were very practical - all things i very much needed: a mop, a microwave, a toaster, becoming more ok with myself. merry Christmas me.
